


Fragments of Happiness

by Leaf



Category: Mai-HiME
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:58:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaf/pseuds/Leaf





	1. Home is a special kind of feeling

This is the first of several short pieces about the characters from MaiHiME how their lives have gone on after the carnival. I don't know how many characters and which ones I'm going to write about. The next chapter is going to be Nao, and I definitely like to do a Mai and a Yukino chapter, and of course a Shizuru one. Anyway, this chapter is Natsuki.

* * *

_Home is a special kind of feeling_

 

* * *

The year before my graduation Shizuru and I lived together. Aside from the tedious schoolwork it was probably my happiest year. Certainly it was the year of my healthiest nutrition, thanks to Shizuru and her cooking. Not that Shizuru liked cooking, she just hated instant food much more, so she stood at the hearth and I had to help whether I wanted or not.

Mai kept saying that Shizuru domesticated me and she may have a point there. One of the things Shizuru insisted on, was me announcing myself when I came back into the apartment.

"You can't just enter silently and sneak up on me." She kept saying before adding with that mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Delightful as that may be at times, who knows what sight your innocent eyes might find."

When I turned red at the several innuendos her words and tone implied, she ended with "Make yourself audible Natsuki", and a wink before she returned to whatever she had done when I had entered.

I had complied, if a bit reluctantly. But whenever I remembered it on I coming home, I shouted a curt "I'm back!" imitating American series and movies I had seen in my terrible slurred English. Shizuru would not have that. After a couple of "I'm back!" 's she chided me. "We're in Japan Natsuki, would it hurt you to call "tadaima"?"

The teenaged me was a bit annoyed at her insistence of using the Japanese term, when English sounded way cooler in my ears, but I did it to make her happy. And, what I would have never admitted, it gave me a good feeling too. It was not the phrase itself, but the knowledge someone was already there and waiting for me to respond "okaerinasai".

After so much time, having a place I could relate to as home gave me an almost odd sense of security, yet it was pleasant and I embraced it within my heart.

Even now at days I find myself on the edge of call out "tadaima" into the dark apartment when I return from work, knowing full well nobody will answer.

So I kick off my shoes and hang my coat in silence, before switching on the evening news. And as I listen to the speaker announcing things which do not concern me in the least, I eat a cup of instant noodles, or curry for change.

If offered the choice, I'd be back in our old room at once, with Shizuru awaiting me there. But the old apartment has long since been occupied by several pairs of other students and these childish days are well behind me now.


	2. Catch a falling star

Nao

* * *

 

_Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket_

* * *

I never thought that I would ever come to say such a thing, but the day after my mother had died Fujino Shizuru appeared as an angel to me.

I had wandered the street along the coast line, not caring that there was no real sidewalk or anything, because; what did it matter?

I was halfway through my last year of high school and even though I had studied hard, I was barely achieving my score. Mum and I had made plans for our future, plans looking just fine; I would graduate, move in with Mum in the tiny house we used to live in when I was a child and I would get a job while Mum would continue to recuperate, and she would cook and bake and when I got home we might go out for a walk together or simply talk.

But together did not exist anymore since yesterday and Yuuki Nao alone had given up on the will to live years before.

That was when I heard the cracking a leaves and branches above, and looking up, atop the cliff on the other side of the road, there she was, just breaking through the shrubbery.

I think held my breath when she seemingly floated in midair for a moment, framed by a aureate sun. Like an angel flying in the sky.

And then, like a golden shooting star Fujino fell, landing not twenty feet away from me with the ugly noise of flesh being squashed against asphalt and bones splintering.

I had been so mesmerized by her beauty as she fell that I could not immediately act. The image of her falling had touched something inside me. But then I slowly walked over and despite the fact that she should have been dead Fujino opened her eyes, meeting mine. She even recognized me.

"Finish me off Yuuki-san. Now's your chance for revenge." She muttered after spitting out a rather great deal of blood.

I stared down at her, a heap of flesh and broken limbs, so destroyed.

My fingers traced her lips, then her face, gently, leaving a red trail of blood on her pale skin. This was my opportunity to deal retaliation to her, for taking my eye, my mother.

"No, I won't. If you want to die so badly, I'm not going to help you go out smoothly." I whispered in her ear. "I rather have you live." Then I pulled out my phone and called the ambulance.

While they patched Fujino back together, I told the doctors and the police one hell of a tale as to how she got her injuries. I have always been good at ad-libs.

Every day I visited her at the hospital, I had not much else to do. But seeing Fujino lying there unable to die and unwilling to live gave me a strange satisfaction. I had brought this to her.

The habit of visiting her in the hospital turned into stopping by at her place and by now I've moved in with Fujino Shizuru.

At first she was repulsing my. A fact with gave me even more delight and though her resistance has subsided over the years, I can still make her squirm.

Especially at nights, when I press her close to me, her head held down on my chest, forcing her to listen to the steady beat of my heart.

Every day my mere presence reminds Fujino of what she couldn't do.


	3. I've got a feeling

Yukino

* * *

_I've got a feeling, nothing but a feeling_

* * *

Upon flipping open my calendar I halt for a moment to stare down the green encircled number 23 on the page. I would have almost forgotten the anniversary.

Haruka once had asked me about the number encircled every year in my calendar and I had told her it was a reminder, but had said nothing more. She had shrugged it off as another of my organisatory habits.

Once, I had considered changing the date to the 17th, but had not done it eventually. Although the memory of that evening a few years ago is still sharp in my mind.

Haruka had shown up on my doorstep that night, dressed in a flowery kimono, her hair in a tight bun and a ridiculous amount of make-up on her face. She had stomped into my apartment, heading straight for the bathroom where she muttered something about stupid miai's whilst cleaning her face off.

After a shower she came back out, now dressed in the largest shirt I could find, which still barely fit her, and flopped down on the couch, proclaiming "I've had it with these stupid Miai's and these stupid suitors!"

"Calm down Haruka." But obviously it was the wrong thing to say to her, for the almost indestructible Haruka only burst into tears at my words. "That's what they say every time: 'Calm your temper'! Why can't they accept me as I am?!"

Her words from them still ring in my ears.

I pulled Haruka into a hug and petted her hair, murmuring soft words until she said "You accept me Yukino, don't you." And even if I had wanted to I would not have been able to deny those eyes begging for affirmation.

"You still love me, don't you." She startled me with these words. I had always been convinced she would have pushed what I had told her after the carnival far away, in the very last corner of her mind, long ago. However, Haruka was right.

Upon my hoarse "Yes" she plunged forward with lips pleading for acceptance as much as her eyes. My mind told me I should stop her, it was almost as if I was taking advantage of her, but Haruka was relentless in seeking 'comfort'. Her kiss was like she herself, brash, straightforward and passionate.

Despite my doubts, I found myself meeting her mouth, eagerly embracing her as she hurled the both of us into a night of urging touches and whispered declarations of love.

It was an unforgettable night. The most wonderful I had.

The 23rd was years before that night on the 17th , back in middle school, when I realized for the first time I was in love with Haruka. Not one week later, after that blissful night, she came round to tell me you could not go through with this; us.

You couldn't accept yourself.

So how am I going to spend this anniversary of something that never really was? I don't know. Maybe I'll go out for dinner with Miu.


	4. What a wonderful world

Mai

* * *

_And I think to myself what a wonderful world_

* * *

Back in high school I was close to giving up my dream. You know, the dream of having a family of my own one day, in my own house with our own little garden for the children to play in.

With the bills for Takumi's treatment looming over me ever so heavily, taking care of Mikoto and sorting out that stupid carnival, I was, at times, so despaired that I might have thrown it away.

How I got through it all, I don't really know and I don't like to think of that time either because the important thing is, that after the carnival all things changed for the better. Takumi recovered from his operation without the slightest complications; Natsuki moved in with Kaichou, who could give her the secureness she secretly longed for; Reito took Mikoto with him and the two left Fuuka, a happy little family of their own; and last of all Yuichi made up his mind, finally.

At first I could not believe it when he told me, that he had cast Shiho aside for good, saying he knew now just what he was feeling for me.

Maybe it was the same spark ignited in him, which he had had when he had been a Kendoka, but whatever had prompted Yuichi's decision, throughout university he proved himself to be the almost perfect boyfriend. Where he wasn't perfect he failed with such an endearing clumsiness I couldn't stay mad at him for long.

So what choice did I have when he proposed to me but to say yes?

And it worked out well, didn't it? Yuichi has gotten a good job; I work part-time in the mornings and spend the afternoons together with Yuto. Our house is situated directly at the sea, which is even better than a garden. Yuto loves the beach, he loves to dig in the moist sand on the shore, to build hills with his little four-year-old hands. And he loves it when we both run into the waves, splashing each other and admiring the glitter of the sea in the sun.

Mikoto would love it here too, I'm sure; a thought that crosses my mind ever so often.

It's not that I don't love Yuichi, I do love him very much and Yuto even more; they're all I've ever wanted. I'm content with my little dream.

But sometimes I feel lonely and then I miss those chaotic days with Mikoto. Mikoto, who is clinging to me, asking me to cook ramen for her. Mikoto who was making everything seem so simple.


	5. You should care for me

Shiho

* * *

_You should care for me_

* * *

If somebody who knew me during middle school would see me now, I wonder whether they'd recognize me. The clingy girl with her pink pigtails who was always following her big brother around is no more me than a blonde bimbo is today.

What my colleagues see now is a demure young woman with bland clothing peeking out from under her lab coat and shoulder-length brown hair. I doubt they know it's dyed. They see a woman doing her work unfailingly, ever on time and always doing what she is asked to.

I studied too hard to get into the medical research institute to be anything less than what is expected of me. This is going to be my chance and I won't waste it. Because that's an ability I had early on; my stubbornness can move mountains.

Only with him it failed.

Big Brother told me often that I had to learn to stand on my own feet because he couldn't always be around to help me, therefore I should learn to sort things out myself. However, deep down I was sure he was just talking and that we would be together in the future too. Big Brother said to me I was a grown up woman now.

And Big Brother; no Yuichi came when I had graduated from middle school to see me. I jumped into his arms hugging him tightly the instant I saw him but he put me at arm's length and told me "once and for all" that I had to stop hanging around him and Mai. He said, that he had no need for a little girl with a ridiculous hairstyle stalking him and his girlfriend. I should, he said, stay away from now on instead of barring his happiness with the woman he loved.

I stared at him unbelievingly when Yuichi told me he wanted a steady relationship between equals and not a millstone around his neck wearing him down.

When we were kids he had called my pigtails cute.

But it doesn't matter what my beloved Yuichi did when I was barely out of middle school. I'm a grown woman and well over it by now.

These days I am a reliable person. I have a degree in medicine and a job in the research department of the medical institute. Nobody would call me an obstacle.

And since it's such a huge place where I work, nobody will notice it if I slip out a few chemicals here or some tech bits there. Whit those and enough money saved, I'll be able to breed my own Big Brother, one who belongs to me and only me.


	6. How the winds are laughing

Shizuru

* * *

_How the winds are laughing_

* * *

When I was eighteen and naive I thought that whatever kind of love Natsuki could give, I would accept. For all is better than nothing and the nothing was what I feared the most.

However, the delight I felt when she agreed to move in with me faded more quickly than I would have expected. Of course, it was more than I'd ever dreamt of. I helped Natsuki with her homework assignments, I cooked dinner for her and we even slept in the same room, yet I was restless.

When Natsuki came home and her shout of "Tadaima" echoed through the apartment my heart was both looping with joy and cringing in pain. She and I might have called the place home, but what was it really we were doing there?

To me it seemed like two children playing house; a game becoming duller the longer it lasts.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I wanted more, no matter how many times I told myself to be content with what was given to me. My longing for her remained.

Living together with Natsuki was like eating dark chocolate; delicious, sweet and a tad bitter. Too irresistible to stop eating even though one was well aware it would end up making one sick once one has had too much. But every bite, every smile, made me crave more.

In short I was an addict. Always in waiting for the next shot. I hugged her and wanted to ravish her on the spot, it was never enough. I could feel it, the same madness as before, curling up on the brim of my consciousness to lie there in wait. But I had made a promise to never again drag Natsuki down with me.

So I leapt, trying to escape this addiction for good.

And failed.

Whether to call it fortunate or unfortunate that I was found by none other than Yuuki Nao I do not know. I must say I was surprised that she, who had any reason to finish me in an instant, did not kill me but made efforts to keep me alive.

I hate her for it.

Yet, despite my resolutions, I have become dependant of Nao. Every day I spend with her reminds me that she saved me and it pains me. The pride which filled me at my decision to set out to do what other junkies could not bring themselves to has dissolved into thin air, now as I stay at Nao's side I nurture my the feelings of my failure. It pleases my masochistic side.

I may be older now, but I'm still naive. In the end all I did was trading Nastuki in for another addiction, but at least this pain keeps the insanity at bay.


	7. Where nobody's right, nobody's was wrong

Midori

* * *

_Where nobody's right, nobody's was wrong_

* * *

When I was a child, or rather a young teen I was following the Sailor Moon anime religiously. The delight I felt upon discovering that I too had magical powers was indescribable. And although I had no talking cat, I had Gakutenou and he was by far stronger and a lot more useful than a weak cat. So I soon came to the conclusion that being a HiME was even better than being a Sailor Soldier. More so when I came to Fuuka to found my own Super Sentai.

However this was before I knew the price we HiME had to pay for the power we were granted. Turned out it was more of a burden than a gift.

The day the professor died I was devastated.

But then the Carnival ended with all of us getting our sappy happy ending just like in my beloved animes. Everything was back to normal, even we HiME were freed of our strange powers.

My joy after these horrendous weeks easily surpassed the joy I felt at discovering my magical powers: My professor was alive, I was still seventeen and hungry for some adventures!

So we set out together; to Egypt, to Mexico, to Peru; all around the globe the professor took me to his excavations; always in search for the next breathtaking secret we could reveal.

He may not have loved me romantically, but sharing his life and his dreams was all I ever wished for. Our lives were perfect.

Up unto the that one day in the jungle where we were searching for the ruins of an ancient settlement. I was in the tree tops looking from above for foundation walls, while the professor was studying his map. He told me to search northwest which I did after checking the compass. Truly, if one squinted ones eyes, there were tracks which could only be vestiges of a village.

I been about to shout down my discovery when I heard small cry of pain from below. I climbed down as fast as I could only to find my professor fallen over, one hand gripping his leg. I asked him what happened but he was only moaning and gasping for breath. I lifted his hand and saw two tiny punctured wounds in is skin. A snakebite.

Of course I tried every antidote we had with us, but none took effect. My professor lay there in the tent panting and shaking until his old body could not fight the poison any longer and succumbed while all I could do was clutching his hand and watching him die.

The saddest thing about it was that his death was neither heroic or anything, it was only sad and not befitting him at all.

If I still had had Gakutenou I might have been able to bring him to a hospital in time.

I don't know what I felt when he died in my arms, probably all the pain in the world and nothing at all at the same time. All I know now is that I'm not seventeen any more and I know there are no real happy endings.

Guess what, I don't watch animes any more.


End file.
